Today’s blog topic is “Name something you want to do before the end of the year.”  That’s a good one.
 
I could go deep or I could go practical, heck, I'll do both.

Let's go practical first:  I need a new mattress.  It is a shame that my bed is where I get my worse nights of sleep.

Now, let's go deep:  There's a relationship in my life that I need to better define.

Your turn...

This was today's blog question. 

I've done a decent amount of traveling and have been to a lot of fun and interesting places.  But one of the many destinations still on my bucket list is South Africa.  I'm told that the scenery is spectacular and I'd like to have the wildlife experience that it affords.

A few other places on my bucket list are Italy, the Southwest US, and Egypt.  With the current conditions of the world, I wonder if these places out of the country will be safe to visit when I'm ready to go there.  Kinda sad.

This question was presented as an idea for a blog post, so I figured I'd give it a shot.

I think my biggest fear was disappointing or embarrassing my family.

Even as a young child, I realized all that my parents had done for me and  the sacrifices they were making.  And, though I may not have always acted like it, I appreciated it.  And I never wanted to do anything that would bring them shame.

The past three years have been challenging, but I’ve made it through to the other side and I’m happy and very, very grateful.
 
But I can’t help but wonder… Why did it have to take so long?
 
While making my way through the madness, I kept asking God to help me see the lesson so this ship would pass, but it felt as if it was anchored out in the middle of the ocean, with me in it, and we weren't even shifting in the direction I wanted to go. 
 
In recent months, I’ve had two friends deal with life-changing issues and they came out on the other side, and I’m thrilled for them, but their struggle only lasted a few months.  Again, I was happy for them, but I did wonder why their struggle only lasted a few months, while mine lasted (on and off, of course) for 3 years, 4 months, and about 14 days.  So I searched for answers and here’s what I’ve come up with so far.
 
My challenge had to last so long because…

• I had to realize that this wasn’t something I could turnaround on my own.  I couldn’t talk my way or reason my way out of it.  And, to be perfectly honest, it took me the first two years to realize that I had to rely upon God like never before.
  
• I had to see people for who they really were.  Had my situation come with a quick fix, I’d still be relying on people who are unreliable and trusting people who are untrustworthy. 
• I had to lean on others.  For most of my life, I’ve been the one others could lean on, I’m the “fixer.”  But this experience forced me to recognize that I’m only human and that I needed to lean on others.  I will be forever grateful to my mother and my brother who stuck with me til the end.  I will never be able to thank them enough.
• I had to see my own strength.  Remember those words from one of Whitney Houston’s last songs… “I Didn’t Know My Own Strength"?  I could say that, too.  If you’d told me what I’d have to go through and that I would come out of that storm better, stronger and wise, I’m not sure that I would have believed you.  But I did. 
• I had to live through a season of “no.”  That’s so that I would better appreciate when God said “yes!”
• I had to know what it felt like to really NEED.  You see, for most of my life, I’ve been pretty good, in terms of having everything that I needed.  Certainly not everything I wanted, but I’ve been blessed to have the things that I need. This experience stripped me of some of that confidence and assurance—there were things that I needed that were a struggle to get or things that I managed to do without.  As a result, I’m a lot more understanding and aware of the needs of others and I’m a lot more generous in my willingness to help them.
• I had to make my testimony more interesting!  I say this somewhat in jest, but it’s true.  I’ve always told people about the goodness of God, but now I really have a story to tell.  When I talk, people listen! 

As always, I believe that God had a plan for my life then, and he has a plan for my life now.  I'm anxious to see what's next! 

I've been participating in a challenge to post something every day during the month of November.  I'd been doing so well and then...

I messed up.

I've been writing several posts in one sitting and scheduling when they should post.  In my scheduling I skipped a day, and nothing posted on November 13th.

So I am officially declaring that today is November 13th.

Thanks for your understanding!  :-)

My ideal day would start with a big stack of pancakes… yes, pancakes!

Since I’ve been on a diet since Noah build the ark, I cannot remember the last time I ate pancakes, but my ideal day would start with them, plus a couple of turkey sausage patties and some scrambled eggs and cheese.

I’d be eating them out on my deck, in the company of my family and closest friends. We’d laugh and talk and eat and talk and eat and laugh, it would be a lot of fun.

One of them would offer to take the dishes inside the house and to load the dishwasher and I’d continue basking in the sun, enjoying the beauty of the day.

About an hour later, a limousine would arrive to drive me and these folks to an outlet shopping center and I would buy EVERYTHING I wanted.  Most likely my bag would be filled with jewelry, sweaters, shoes, jewelry, boots, things for my home, and jewelry.

After shopping, we would be driven to a casual restaurant where, once again, I will eat whatever I want and not worry about one calorie.  We will laugh really loud and sing outloud and do lots of stuff that people our age aren’t supposed to do.  It will be wonderful!

Then I’ll go home, thank God for the day I just had, and pray for more days just like it.

What does YOUR ideal day look like?

I've been saved for something.  Someone needs to hear my story.  May I work hard enough to earn the right to tell it.

As I sit here and think...

I wonder if they'll ever call.
I wonder if the pain will ever go away.
I wonder what they're doing.
I wonder if they think of me.
I wonder what they think of me.
I wonder if they understand what really happened.
I wonder if they know how much I cared.
I wonder if they ever loved me.
I wonder if they understood me.
I wonder if I'll ever be the same.
I wonder what's next.