Diary of a Grown-Up Church Girl
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There's a Day for Everything

5/16/2022

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Today is National Pickle Day. Yep. It’s true.  Ask Google. 
When I learned a few weeks ago that we had a "Eat What You Want Day" I thought I’d heard it all.  But that was before I realized that May 16, 2022 is National Pickle Day.

 And you know what this tells me?
It tells me that you can declare a day about anything.  So now, with the power vested in me by no one in particular, I declare today to be… drumroll please… I hope you're ready… you may be able to guess… but wait.  Today is…
 

National Sparkle Day!!
Yes, this is a day dedicated to identifying and celebrating the light that shines within you; that thing that makes you the wonderful woman you are.
 
As you may have heard me say, the idea of sparkling is rooted in the Scripture found in Matthew 5:16:
 
Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.


As women of a “certain age” I say that we’ve lived long enough to have experienced enough to have a light that’s so bright that we sparkle.  And I think you should share your sparkle with others.  How?  By telling your story.
 

 “But I don't want to tell all of my business!”
I hear you.  We were raised during a time when you kept your business in the house, right?  You wore a smile, no matter what, even when that smile masked deep discontent.  You just didn't share your personal story.
 
I believe that “sharing is caring” and I think you do yourself and others a disservice when you don’t talk about the tools you used and the lessons you learned during the difficult times of your life.  No one really needs to hear the dirty details of what you’ve gone through, folks are too busy dealing with their own issues.  But I do think that you should share the blessing your breakthrough. 

Tell a sister how you handled grief or unemployment or divorce or bankruptcy or being a single parent or sickness… the list goes on.  Let her know that she’s not alone. Let her see your sparkle and be encouraged by the light that shines from within you.
 

Today, on National Sparkle Day, I suggest you do two things...

1. Embrace the value of your story.  Write it down.  Keep it ready to share when someone needs it.  Vow to be someone else’s crib notes.  Be her example to follow.

2.  Celebrate.  Every woman over 50 has survived something, so celebrate yourself today!  Recognize that you're a smart, creative, beautiful, worthy, walking and talking miracle!  You SPARKLE from the inside out and you wear your SPARKLE well.  That's something to celebrate!

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I Never Didn't Know

5/16/2022

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​My mind is still blown by the horrible, hateful act against the community in Buffalo. I'm not sure that anything has opened America's eyes to racism as widely since the murder of George Floyd. 

Back then I wrote a piece that spoke to how I, as a Black woman, have always felt the sting of racism and how it surprised me that well-meaning (and some not so well-meaning) people expressed sentiments suggesting that this was something new.  It initially bothered me when I learned that work colleagues found this piece online and commented on it, but then it didn't.  Because maybe they needed to read it.  They needed to know.   I'd like to share this piece with you today.

I Never Didn't Know

Reading and hearing what white people are saying about racism right now is rather interesting to me.  I know they mean well, I know that their hearts are in the right place, yet I find some of their responses to the killing of George Floyd and to the riots in the aftermath… well, I find them interesting.
 
It’s as if they just woke up and realized what I never had the luxury of not knowing.  I never didn’t know that America wasn’t a fan of mine or of people who look like me.
 
I never didn’t know that there were people who would take one look at me and decide who I was simply based upon the color of my skin.
 
I never didn’t know that my master’s degree would put me on par with white colleagues with a BA.
 
I never didn’t know that my ability to do a good job, to write a good report, to maneuver through a difficult project would be questioned because I’m a Black woman in a white world.
 
I never didn’t know.
 
I never didn’t know that I could be followed or asked to show ID in a store because of what my skin color represents to some store managers.
 
I never didn’t know that my hairstyles would be questioned and judged.
 
I never didn’t know that I wouldn’t be welcomed in some neighborhoods.

I never didn't know that I might not always get the best seat or get the best service in restaurants I spent my money in.
 

I just never didn’t know.
 
So for white people to now tell me how sorry they feel for me, well, I’m not sure how to take that.  Because my life has been fine. I've managed. 

Please don't feel sorry for me.  Save your sorry for the families that have lost loved ones while I've just simply been slighted, ignored, overlooked, and insulted.

Save it for the people of my mother's generation who thought that their marching and sitting was so that their children and grandchildren wouldn't have to witness the atrocities we're seeing today.

Save your sorry for the young Black adults who don't yet understand that no matter how much Starbucks coffee they drink, they are still Black folks in a white world and pray that when their eyes open to this fact, it won't be too painful.

Save it for them, cause I'm good.

Sure, there certainly is a lot of room for improvement and there are things I've seen and endured that I hope the next generation won't have to experience.  But understand me when I say that this is all I've ever known and I'm OK. 

​You see, I never knew how not to be comfortable in my skin... never knew how not to turn the other way when an insult was hurled my way... never knew how not to just deal with it.  I know I have my parents and my upbringing to thank for that.  And I'm grateful.

So, white people, please understand me.  I'm not suggesting that your comments right now are anything but sincere.  I know they are and I appreciate them.  But it just feels a little odd.  You're just acknowledging what I've lived with my entire life.  How could our realities be so very, very different?

Thank you for finally getting it. But for me?  Its been my life.

I never didn't know.



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Just To Have A Laugh Or Sing A Song

5/2/2022

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One day last week I was sitting at my computer doing what I do for “the man” and I got a text from a dear childhood friend.  The message was asking if I and another dear friend from our childhood were available to meet her on a Zoom call that evening.  We both said we were available.
 
All day I wondered what this was about
 
I fully expected it to be bad news.  I mean, why else would she be reaching out, wanting to connect with us on that very same day?  I’ve known this girl for over 50 years and she’s never done anything like this, so I expected the worse.
 
I assumed that she was sick or someone we knew was sick.  Or maybe someone had passed away.  Or maybe she was having serious personal problems.  Or maybe she was leaving the area.  Whatever it was, it couldn’t be good, at least that’s what I thought.
 
When the time arrived for the Zoom gathering I tentatively logged on.  I was trying to prepare myself for whatever she had to share and I was determined to be positive and supportive.
 
The conversation started with the usual pleasantries and eventually she got to the topic she wanted to discuss with us.
 
To my surprise…
 
She wanted to share a laugh and sing a song.  Literally.
 
She sang a song from our elementary school days and we laughed until we cried.  It was the most amazing Zoom meeting ever!  And I was reminded of the song we heard at the end of every episode of The Carol Burnett Show.  If you’re of a "certain age", you may remember it:
 
I’m so glad we’ve had this time together
Just to have a laugh or sing a song
Seems we just get started and before you know it
Comes the time we have to say
So long

 
I hope my friends know how much that gathering meant to me.  And it encourages me to reach out to folks I know just to have a laugh and sing a song.  Because you know what?
 
We never know when we’ll have to say, so long.
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    Hello and Welcome to my blog!

    I'm a grown up "church girl" who is bouncing back from some hard blows, including an ugly divorce, financial hardship, and dreams deferred.  Now, more than ever before, I am embracing the idea of transformation and beautiful new beginnings. 

    Won't you take this journey with me?

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