Diary of a Grown-Up Church Girl
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A card will have to do

4/19/2015

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My former mother-in-law is sick.  Really sick.

And everything within me wants to go see her, but I can’t.

You see, her family is not fond of me.  They once were, but not anymore.  So I am afraid of what could happen if I saw them.  If they saw me.  If we saw each other.

They’re not the kind of people to be outwardly cruel.  It’s not their overt actions that frighten me, it’s the looks.  The stares. The awkwardness.  The forced conversation.  The loudly heard, but never spoken, “What is she doing here?”

And then there’s me.  I don’t like her family any more than they like me.  So my stares, my forced pretense of “this is all cool” would also be awkward.  The whole thing would be very odd.

So I am forced to act contrary to who I really am and I’ll just send a card.

A card to a woman I once loved with all of my heart.  A card to a woman I shopped with, went to church with, and I beautifully bonded with when I met her son over 20 years ago.

I thought, for a moment or two, that I should overlook my feelings and think more of hers.  But the truth of the matter is that she hasn’t reached out to me much at all since my separation and divorce.  Maybe she really doesn't care.  And maybe I'm making a lot more of this than is necessary...  it wouldn’t be the first time!

But, really, is a card enough?

Not in my book.  You see, I'm a real "hospital person."  Blame it on my father, Deacon Clanton.  He was always visiting folks in the hospital, so going to see people who are sick feels very natural and appropriate to me.  I may send a card to a friend or family member in the hospital, but I ALWAYS visit.   

But not this time.

This time a card will have to let this brave and loving woman know that I care about her and that I wish her well. 

This time, in an effort to keep my joy and my sanity intact and in an effort to make everyone most comfortable, a card will have to do.








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Jesus needs us to get loose

4/4/2015

2 Comments

 

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I’ve heard the story many times, but when this Scripture was read this past Sunday, something new stood out for me.

It was the account of Jesus’ entrance into Jerusalem, right before his crucifixion. 

As you may recall, Jesus sent two of his disciples into a nearby town and told them to look for a donkey that would be hitched up.  This particular donkey had never before been ridden. 

They were instructed to “loose” the donkey and to bring it to Him.  If asked why they were doing so, the disciples were instructed to simply say that the Master had need of it.  As you know, Jesus planned to ride this donkey into Jerusalem when he went to Passover and prepared to accept the fate of his crucifixion. 

Now, for some strange reason, when I heard this story this past Sunday, I kept thinking about the donkey.  And I could almost hear the donkey talking to the disciples when they came to get him.  The conversation went something like this… 

“Hello gentleman, how are you?  What?  What are you doing?  Why… why are you bothering my rope?  You what?  You need me?  The Master needs ME? 

Why would someone as great as Jesus want me?  Is this a trick?  You’ve got to be kidding me…

Look, I’ve never even been ridden, I’m new at this.  Didn’t you know that?  I'm not good enough for this job,  He can’t possibly use me.  I won’t measure up, I’ll more than likely mess things up.

Look over there, see him?  That’s Walter.  He’s been around a lot longer, and has been doing this for years.  Plus he’s quite smart and extremely good looking.  Take him.  He'll do a great job and...

What?  You say Jesus specifically asked for me?  And He knows all about me?  He knows my shortcomings, yet He still wants to use me?  Wow, that’s really saying something!

In spite of who I am and in spite of what I’m not, Jesus wants to use Me.  OK… Really?

Am I to understand that Jesus thinks I can do this... He thinks I can do the job… and you say that He’ll lead the way… I just have to be willing to go?

OK, tell me again, where are we going?  Oh heck, it really doesn’t matter.  I’ve heard about Jesus, I know of His power, I’ll go wherever He needs me to go as long as He goes with me. 

Untie me… loose me, let's get going.  I’ve got a work to do!”


Doesn’t the initial reaction of the donkey sound a lot like us from time to time?  The way we sometimes make excuses for why we can’t do what God needs us to do?   

Worried that we’re not good enough or that we won’t measure up?

Comparing ourselves to someone we think would be better at a job God destined to be ours?

Just like that donkey, we sometimes need to be untied, to be “loosed” from our own negative thinking and, quite frankly, our own laziness, so that we can accomplish the work we’re assigned to do.


What do you need to be loosed to do?

Start a business, write a book, volunteer at a shelter, help a friend, mentor a child, be a listening ear, make people laugh, make people think, share your story?  Come on, let's get loose!  

That’s why He died.  That’s what Calvary is about.  Jesus died to give us an opportunity to get loose, to live our lives, fulfill our destiny, and to live with Him forevermore.  That’s good news, isn’t it?

Happy Resurrection Weekend!



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    Hello and Welcome to my blog!

    I'm a grown up "church girl" who is bouncing back from some hard blows, including an ugly divorce, financial hardship, and dreams deferred.  Now, more than ever before, I am embracing the idea of transformation and beautiful new beginnings. 

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