Diary of a Grown-Up Church Girl
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Finding your joy in a season of "no"

2/22/2015

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It’s been snowing here and the roads were very messy this morning, so I didn’t go to church.  Instead, I tuned into an online broadcast from the church of my friend, Gary. 

This was my first taste of worshiping this way and I must say that I enjoyed it.  I sang along with the Praise and Worship Team and raised my hands appropriately; I bowed my head when the pastor prayed; I was into a service as much as one could be from the privacy of my bedroom, clothed in my pajamas.

As the service progressed, I was a little disappointed when they announced that there would be a guest speaker today.  I don’t know why, since I’ve never heard the pastor of the church preach, but still I was less than thrilled to hear that the speaker would someone other than the minister of the church.  But God, in His infinite wisdom knew that the guest, Dr. Eric Joseph from Mid-America Christian University, had a Word for me.

Dr. Joseph spoke about when God says “no.”  I’ve had that happen, haven’t you?  (If you haven’t, keep living.  Your time is coming.)

I've lost loved ones as I prayed for their healing and God said no.

I've missed out opportunities and relationships because when I asked God to please make them happen, to make them right for me, God said no.

I have lost sleep while worrying about problems I wanted God to fix, situations I wanted Him to change, but when I asked Him to move on my behalf, God said no.

No.  No.  No. 

How do you keep your joy in a season of no?  How do you refrain from anger and despair?   How do you move forward with your spirituality intact?  How do you keep singing and praising when God is seemingly ignoring your cries for help?

This was the subject of the sermon I heard today.  Dr. Joseph provided a couple of things you can do, based upon what Paul taught in the 12th chapter of II Corinthians, but the one thing that hit me squarely in the eye was that we should look for the “instead.”

He explained that God will never tell you “no” without also providing an instead. 

An “instead” is an alternative, one that is more fitting with the design that God has on your life.  It is bigger and better than anything we could even imagine to ask.  It is exactly what God knows that we need. 

Dr. Joseph went on to explain that many people are married to Mr./Mrs. Instead.  This isn’t to say that this person is any “less” than the person you may have thought would be a better catch, quite the contrary.  Mr./Mrs. Instead is the person God knew you needed as your partner.

Likewise, many of us may be working at jobs, involved in friendships, or even pursuing dreams that we never would have chosen for ourselves, but which God provided when our first choices didn’t work out. 

As I see it, joy comes from an acknowledgement that God’s “instead” is going to be better and brighter and more beautiful than anything we could ask for.  And, while the denial of what we ask for may be painful, we have to trust  and believe that, in due season, God will bless us with the best. 

So, friends, INSTEAD of going to my church today, I worshiped in a new and different way.  It was far better than what I imagined and it was exactly what I needed.  I thank God for today's "instead" experience.

Now it’s your turn!  What did you ask for that you now know wasn’t in your best interest?  A mate?  A job?  A trip?  And how did God bless you with an “instead?”





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Five things I learned from a butterfly

2/15/2015

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I adore butterflies!

It’s not just their lovely colors that attract me to them, but I love their "story."  I'm impressed by how the butterfly starts out as an unattractive, worm-like creature and eventually becomes a beautifully winged wonder. 

A few days ago, I decided to read more about them and in doing so I became even more amazed by what the caterpillar goes through as it becomes a butterfly.  And I identified five lessons that us humans can learn from that process.

Butterfly Lesson #1:  Sometimes your environment won’t let you be who you’re supposed to be.


The caterpillar matures and grows, but the skin that it’s in doesn’t. That skin remains tightly wound around the body, but the caterpillar's body can’t be contained by it, so it sheds it.  It lets it go. 

Sometimes, we have to shed our own skin.  We have to change our environment and adjust our way of doing things so that we can mature.  Only then are we able to fully experience all that life has to offer to us.    

Butterfly Lesson #2:  Real change is a process.


Did you know that the caterpillar sheds its skin five times before it becomes a butterfly?  I had no idea!

This reinforces for me that it takes time to make the changes necessary for lasting transformation.  And, if at first you don’t succeed… you know the rest.  It may take five (or more) times before you get your wings and are ready to soar.

Butterfly Lesson #3:  Don’t forget your past.

The caterpillar doesn’t discard that skin that once housed it, instead it eats it.  Yuck, but…

This suggests to me that we should take our lessons, chew on them, digest them, and always remember them. This will help ensure that we don’t repeat the same mistakes and provides a better chance of us making lasting progress. 

Butterfly Lesson #4:  Change hurts.

The caterpillar has to work hard to remove itself from its old skin.  Its a process of wiggling and squirming and wiggling some more and, if you could ask it, I’m sure the caterpillar would tell you that it hurts!

We often experience discomfort and pain as we free ourselves from the people, places, situations, and mindsets that no longer fit who we are.  We second guess our decisions and we worry ourselves sick because change takes us out of our comfort zones and forces us to do things that can be very difficult.  And that hurts. 

Butterfly Lesson #5:  Only you know when.

Scientists know that the caterpillar sheds its skin five times before becoming a butterfly, and they know that the entire process usually takes about two weeks.  But exactly when that ultimate transformation happens is unknown.  It’s a personal thing between God and the caterpillar.

I love that.  God really is the only person who can force you to take the steps necessary to ensure that you evolve and become all you are destined to be.  And while family and friends can tell you what they think, and give you good reasons to support their positions, they really can’t force your transformation. 

It’s not until you feel yourself trapped inside of a cocoon that simply no longer fits that you’ll hear from God, start your wiggling, wiggle some more, get your wings, and FLY!


Don't take it from me... take it from the butterfly.



Note:  Please join us on Facebook at Singing In The Key Of Joy and follow me on Twitter at Key of Joy.


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"Nothing" is a verb

2/6/2015

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Sometimes the most powerful statement you can speak, the most powerful move you can make is to say or to do absolutely nothing.

This is a hard lesson for some folks to learn, especially for those of us who are used to be in charge and in control.  We think we can do everything and handle everything, so when we find our backs up against the wall and we're at a loss for words, we’re lost!  And we don’t like it at all.

Such is the case with me. 

For quite a while now, I’ve been dealing with a situation that I just can’t manage.  Every step forward seems met with two steps backwards and all attempts to strategically plan my next move have seemingly failed. I’ve repeatedly asked God to allow me to get the lesson in all of this so that I can learn from it and put all of the madness behind me, but it often feels as if He’s not hearing me.

Well, I’ve FINALLY come to the conclusion that at least one of the lessons in this for me to Let It Go.  Not in a “Frozen” kind of way (smile) but in a way that causes me to realize that I am not in charge.  In a way that suggests that I should pray harder and trust more.  In a way that forces me to just leave things alone.  The time has come for me to say and do nothing.

For someone like me, this isn't an easy thing to do.  You see "nothing” is an action word, it's a verb.  It takes a serious exertion of effort to do nothing because it goes against everything I've ever stood for!  (smile)  But...

I recently ran across a Scripture that I’ve paraphrased for myself and keep in a prominent place at work – “The Lord will fight for me if I just keep still.”

While the idea of “keeping still” isn't something I do often, it's is quite comforting to know that in my stillness, God is working things out for me.  And that, my friend, is really good news. 

So I'm learning that, in the midst of my craziness, the time has come for me to pray, trust, and to simply say and do – nothing. 


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February 06th, 2015

2/6/2015

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WANTED: A man with a period

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I know this sounds strange, but keep reading and I promise this will become crystal clear.

I recently signed up for OurTime, the online dating site for old people – ok, for people over 50. 

Now I’m not especially lonely and heavens knows I have enough to keep my mind occupied, but the commercial came on one night during the week between Christmas and New Year and, well, I took the bait.

I immediately started getting what they call “flirts”, which are programmed responses that I think OurTime comes up with when you indicted you've run across a profile you like.  They say things like "You look like someone I'd like to know", Let's chat!", and "I'm interested, are you?" 

But then you get to the point where the guy wants to write something himself and that’s what I’m writing about today. 

MANY of these messages lack one vital thing – a period. I cannot tell you how many messages I got that were just word after word after word with no period separating a thing.  It’s like these people are writing one continuous sentence.

Hello?  Can you say "grammar school?"

I love to write and I take it seriously, but I do not impose my personal standards upon others.  Please understand that  I am not a writing snob, I admit to making my own share of grammatical mistakes, but the use of the period is very important, not only to me, but to all of humankind.

Come on dudes, can a girl get a period?  Is a comma asking too much?  How about you break this up into a few paragraphs, is that an outrageous request?

Note to men on online dating sites:  You can keep the flowers and forget the candy.  Just write me note and include a period at the end of every sentence and we’re golden.  Thank you.  :-)



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A Deadly Combination

2/4/2015

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Ask any woman over 50 years of age and she'll agree with me.  One of the most deadly combinations known to womankind is...

Worry combined with Hot Flashes.

Take it from me, I know.  They have joined forces and, for weeks, have been denying me the restful, restorative sleep I need to look my cutest and to function at my best.

I fall asleep fine, see that's their strategy.  They lure me into thinking that I'm going to get a good night's sleep and then at about 2am, one alerts the other that I'm resting comfortably in la-la land, just about to embark upon a wonderful dream and BAM!!!  They strike!  And I'm up.

I'm sweating, I'm coming out of my PJs, I'm going over possible scenarios in my head that are not likely to ever happen, I'm fixing problems that don't yet exist, I'm a mess.  Trix, my beloved feline daughter, is hoping that she doesn't get kicked off of the bed while I go through this, the poor thing didn't see any of this coming.  But neither did I.

The absolute only thing good about Worry and Hot Flashes is that the deadly duo doesn't hang around for long.  It occupies every ounce of my being for just a few minutes and then -- like a thief in the night -- it's gone.

But, while it doesn't last long, you can rest assured that it will return.  And, just as Trix and I are getting ourselves comfortable, like the Terminator "It's Back!"

If I was a serious drinker, I'd find a drink that would knock me out.  If I wasn't afraid of taking too many pills, I'd find one that worked for me.  But short of drinking or pill popping this problem away, what am I do?

Suggestions are welcomed.

Til then, sweet dreams.  I hope.


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Real Faith

2/1/2015

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Real Faith means being excited about your future even though you're not sure what it's going to look like.  

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    Hello and Welcome to my blog!

    I'm a grown up "church girl" who is bouncing back from some hard blows, including an ugly divorce, financial hardship, and dreams deferred.  Now, more than ever before, I am embracing the idea of transformation and beautiful new beginnings. 

    Won't you take this journey with me?

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