You are certainly not alone. Another friend told me earlier this week that several of her relationships were struggling. (Is there something in the air??) And as I considered what she was sharing with me, it sounded as if folks had taken advantage of her kindness for a while and she was now speaking up for herself and they were getting upset about it. At least that was the deal with the one situation that seemed to be upsetting her the most.
I told her that, in essence, perhaps she was just realizing that shit really does stink. What does this mean?
Well, she’d told me also that she had just recently started to love herself more than ever. So I put two and two together...
It seems to me that as she's begun to value herself more and more, the things that used to be OK to her were no longer OK. So nothing had changed except for her sense of who she was and what she needed to put up with. The shit was always the shit and was still the same shit, but now she was feeling strong and wise and valuable enough to realize that shit stinks.
Perhaps that’s a bit of what you’re dealing with, my beloved.
You’ve always been the one to take care of others, but now you realize that you’re beautiful and wonderful and kind and loved by many and you’re just not sure you want to deal with the things you’ve dealt with in the past.
Now you're in the situation you're in. The situation hasn’t changed, but you have. As they say (I have no idea who “they” is) you must either change the situation or change how you live within the situation. Most times it’s easier to change ourselves.
For example… When I was living with the idiot (aka my ex-husband), I used to straighten our home ALL the time because he was a bit of a hoarder and was very, very messy. Not dirty, just messy. I resented it, but I resented it a little less once I realized that I was doing it for me, and not for him. Cause he didn’t care if he lived in mess, I did. So maybe it will help if you think of the things you’re doing as things you’re doing to make YOU happy, not necessarily the other folks in your household.
Secondly, just stop doing so much, chill out on the things you're doing to make everyone else comfortable and happy. Just Stop. You may find that they appreciate a happy person in the house more than they appreciate the moody person you say you've become. After all, on most days a smiling face beats a clean house and a good meal. You know what I mean? Pull back, I bet they won’t mind, in fact they may not even notice.
Third, pray for the resentment you feel to go away. It will eat at you and make your hair and teeth fall out. You’ll start to drag your knuckles on the ground when you walk and you’ll begin to slobber. Ask God to remove the aggravation before you start to look funny, please! I love you, but if you’re bald and toothless with spit coming out of your mouth and you're bent over like someone who has not fully evolved, it will be difficult for me to hang out with you. I’m just saying. Prayer is the main reason I’m still standing erect.
And don't worry if you don't regularly communicate with God. It really doesn't matter, its never too late to establish a relationship with Him. God is like Motel 6, He keeps the light on for you. He even leaves out a welcome mat and stands at the door with outstretched arms encouraging you to come inside and talk with Him.
Do what you must, but let it go, my sister. Life is short and stress kills.
Love you lots,
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