Diary of a Grown-Up Church Girl
From my heart...to my head... to my pen... to my blog.
  • Blogs
  • About
  • Let's Keep In Touch

My choir sister passed today

8/2/2016

12 Comments

 


I’m no stranger to death.  It seems that all my life, folks around me have been passing away.
 
If it wasn’t a relative, it was a church member or the family member of a church member.  Then I went through a phase when a lot of my friends and associates were losing their parents.
 
While these were all difficult,
they were somewhat expected.  You know what I mean?
 
People get old and they die.  That’s the way of the world, plant a flower grow a pearl… excuse me, I digress.
 
But when a peer passes, it feels very different.
 
My choir sister died today.  Wow, I said it… she “died.”  That’s a word I rarely use.  “Passed away” sounds softer to me.  To say that someone “died” is so hard, so definite, so ugly to me.  Maybe it’s because to say that a person passed away, it sorta feels to me as though they've passed from this life to go to another.  But when we say that a person died, it feels more… dead.  Like never to live again, like finite.  Crazy, perhaps, but that’s how I feel.
 
Anyway, said another way, my preferred way, my choir sister passed away today.
 
She’d been sick, we were all trying to prepare ourselves, but when I got the news today it still hurt.
 
She’d just retired a few years ago, was losing weight and growing her hair out, had a boyfriend, life was going well for her and just seeing her always made me smile.  But then she got sick.  And then she passed away.
 
Wasn’t she too young to die?  Too happy to be permanently and completely subdued?  Too vibrant to have her light turned off? 
 
Why did she have to die?
 
I try my best to look for the message or lesson in every unpleasant or crazy situation, yet finding one this time has been difficult.  That being said… 
 
As I wrote in an earlier blog post, I’m recognizing, once again, that sometimes God says no. 
 
And it’s a lie to tell people that whatever they ask God for, He will provide.  That’s simply not true and we need to stop spreading that fairy tale.
 
You see, while others were praying that my friend be comfortable and free of pain, I was praying for a miracle. Yep, I was praying that she’d have a complete turnaround. 
 
As I shared with God, she would have been the perfect candidate for such a miracle because she’d be sure to testify to His goodness.
 
“You’ll get the glory, God,” I explained, in my ignorant, limited, human way, “this is a good situation to turn around for good." 
 
See, I totally buy into the fact that we should ask God for what you want, and I wanted my friend to live – so that’s what I prayed for.
 
God answered my prayer.  But the answer was “no.” 
 
Now what?
 
Now I trust.  Now I rest.  Now I heal.
 
I trust in a God that never fails – no matter what the situation looks like.
 
I rest on His promises, knowing that my friend is now resting with Him.
 
I heal, knowing that that’s what my friend would want for all of us who are mourning her loss.
 
OK, I'm finished, there's no fancy wrap up here, I’m not feeling it today.
 
So here it goes... The End.

Well, maybe not.  Maybe it would be more appropriate to end with "New Beginning."
 
My choir sister's day began in the arms of her Heavenly Father.  And now my choir members and I begin a new chapter of singing without her.

JOIN ME on Facebook at Diary of a Grown-Up Church Girl
FOLLOW ME Twitter at GrownChurchGirl
I'm on INSTAGRAM but not enough to mention here.

12 Comments
jessica
8/2/2016 04:02:22 pm

God bless and keep your heart in peace. She is fortunate to have an army of prayers for her through her transition.

Reply
Janice
8/2/2016 06:15:40 pm

It just keeps getting better and better....Odd that I would say such a thing under the circumstances. Sorry for your loss Gail, but out of the ashes rise your God given gifts and talents. Your gift of writing, making us feel what you feel. Helping us to examine ourselves in the midst of your pain. Helping us to understand that life and chance happens to use all.......

Reply
Gail
10/13/2016 05:22:53 pm

Thank you for your words, Janice

Gail
10/13/2016 05:22:20 pm

Thank you.

Reply
Lattice link
8/2/2016 04:09:49 pm

Always hard. May you and other loved ones be comforted

Reply
Gail
10/13/2016 05:23:11 pm

Thank you

Reply
Jeannetta
8/2/2016 04:12:38 pm

It seems like we all have an expiration date. God says " Its time" and we say " so soon" . We will definitely miss her.

Reply
Gail
10/13/2016 05:23:36 pm

Indeed so. Still do.

Reply
Yvonne Allsopp
8/2/2016 05:01:13 pm

Didn't always know why I went to U. D. Why did I become an AlphabAngel. Why did I sit out the first semester that you, Gail, and the other 20 something young ladies arrived at U.D.
Why were you, Suzanne, and dont fault me because I dont remember all my "spec's" names; so close to me?
I didnt know why Sandra Johmson introduced me to FB when I was in a hospital for rehab from ankle surgery.
I didnt know why it would be you, Jessica, and Lattice who would reach out to help me when I hit rock bottom.
I didnt know why my Mother passed away, yes passes away when my baby had only turned 3 years old; then my dad lost it and I moved with a child and had no clue what that meant; to be a mother. I knew how to be a daughter, a aister, a friend, even a teacher; but my mommy passed and I had to figure it out all by myself.
I did not inderstand that her passing meant I would now be "really grown" and there was no mommy, mother to lean on. That was years ago. The 3 year old is now 24 and grown.
But I still didnt get why my dad passed away almost 13 years after my mom, it meant that now I was an orphan. Well at least, that is what I was told. But how was I supposed to feel, because I did not read this in a book.
We dont seem to do well in this country when it comes to death. I MEAN, we dont take little kids to funerals. No one likes to talk about death. It is almost tabboo. But yet, all have to one day go that way.
We are sonetimes taught to be afraid. When I was little, they even said dont point at cemetaries. No one ever wanted to walk by a cemetary or talk about death.
I am older, so we watched the Munsters, and the Adams Family and all the references to death and dying, as seen in those sitcoms made death not so awful. But.
Fast forward to mature adult, middle age and friends, family, stars you thought weren't really human begin to pass away, go home, home go, die and we still dont embrace this final stage of life.
When my close friend passed away aftwr my dad, I had the nerve to look at her in her casket and think....hmmm, ok Carol. You went befor me, maybe it wont be so bad. Then when my closest friend, even closer than my sister went home; I was relieved because she suffered. I was there the day before she left. I sang to her, and held her hand as a tear fell from her eye.
No matter what, we are never prepared. And yes Gail, now I get why the Lord allowed me to reconnect with you and my other lovely sisters. He knew there would be a place for me to heal and learn that all the feelings I have had about death are ok. For there is no condemnation in Christ. On this blog I can share that my mom and dad have forsaken me; technically because they are not here with me. And the Lord will take me up. I am no orphan because my brothers and sisters are all who believe.
I was with my Aunt Ruby when she passed from life to death. And unlike the movies, there was no loud noises, and darkness...She was staring straight ahead, I had just prayed with her; and about 10 min later, her chest cavity stopped rising up and down. Death had no sting!
Thank you Gail and I know that the live you had for your church sister will remain in your heart.
Our Father, loving awesome God has our beginning and the end in His hand. But becauae of His love and wisdom, He does what He does because He knows best. We dont understand the whys, how come, why couldnt,.. But His love is pure, steadfast, and enduring. .Live you mych Gail and thank you for this space.
Writing is so healing.
In Jesus name, Amen!

Reply
Gail
10/13/2016 05:24:03 pm

Thank you so much

Reply
KayGee
8/2/2016 05:10:59 pm

Thank you, my dear sista, for explaining the inexplicable so simply and eloquently. We don't always get what we ask for. Sometimes we ask for gifts that can't be given. Your choir sister is singing with the angels now and rejoicing in being pain free. God bless her and you.

Reply
janice
10/26/2016 08:03:35 am

As I read this again, it is as fresh as the original day it was written. I navigate this place between life and death daily. It's what God has given me to do for a living. What I've learned is, the word of God is true. We stumble when we presume what He will do...keep speaking the word for it in itself, is life...

Reply



Leave a Reply.


    Archives of writings expressing my thoughts and observations

    October 2022
    September 2022
    June 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    August 2021
    February 2021
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    September 2019
    July 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    July 2018
    June 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    October 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015

    Picture

    Hello and Welcome to my blog!

    I'm a grown up "church girl" who is bouncing back from some hard blows, including an ugly divorce, financial hardship, and dreams deferred.  Now, more than ever before, I am embracing the idea of transformation and beautiful new beginnings. 

    Won't you take this journey with me?

    Categories

    All

    RSS Feed

Proudly powered by Weebly